i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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