when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
