**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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