about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
