there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
