i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There r osticjed everywhere
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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