I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
