apparently the secret to your success is patron
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize