Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
