he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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