ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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