Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
