You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
