Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
