Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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