Pants 0. Shit 1.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
