You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
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Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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