I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
