Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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