You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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