I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
