i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
