I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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