you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
