last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
