I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
tell me about the fingering
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
