Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
