Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
