Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
