I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
