What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
