it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
