We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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