No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
