So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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