best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
