I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
