some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
