The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
