nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
