I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
