Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
