im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
