I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
