gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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