id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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