jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
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i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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