You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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