I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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