I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
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Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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