True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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