Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i drank out of a bidet.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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