Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize