Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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