pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
