i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
