The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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