im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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