I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
