I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
