Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
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Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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