Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
