and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
