I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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