I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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