i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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